This was my whole problem with the film, perfectly summed up. I knew what was going to happen at every single beat; every supposed ‘twist’ was so telegraphed I was amazed people were even calling them ‘twists’ after I came out.

DJ/Lando. Canto Bight/Cloud City. Dagobah/Ahch-To. Cave vision/Cave vision. Lifting rocks/Lifting rocks. Imperial Walkers/First Order Walkers. “He does have good in him”/”He still has light in him”. “Luke, you’ve got one on your tail”/”Rose, you’ve got one on your tail” and on and on and on

Now, let me back up — I’m not one of those assholes who proclaims that movies are obvious while boasting that they always knew what was going to happen. Most of the time I haven’t a clue and have to have someone explain it to me. So what was different this time? Well, bluntly, I’d seen the film before.

As was the case with the recent Disney Jungle Book remake, I was so well versed in the original classic that not only could I guess what was likely to be retained and what would be changed — it was also pretty obvious where the new version would deviate — and in which direction.

Similarly, I know The Empire Strikes Back off by heart. In fact, I know better than any other film ever made. It’s fine for Rian to remake it — but don’t just give it a different name and tell me you’ve crafted a “new original vision”.

Disney can go ahead and remake all the original Star Wars films if they want, and steal more stuff from Battlestar Galactica and Harry Potter while they’re at it — I really don’t care, as long as it’s good. But don’t sell me shit and tell me it’s Shinola.