Fixing The Rise Of Skywalker
(and miscellaneous observations.)
The snake devours its tail
Star Wars has nearly finished eating itself. “Let the past die” was Rian Johnson’s mantra in The Last Jedi: this teaser reads as Abrams sticking two fingers up to everything from the previous film. Indeed, if the whole movie is as much of a direct refutation of ‘Johnsonism’ as the teaser implies, on a meta level it’s going to be far more entertaining than the film itself.
If I were J.J. Abrams, and I wanted to prepare the world for the biggest press of an “Undo” button in the history of cinema, I might well open my teaser with Mark Hamill’s voice telling us that “no-one is ever really gone”. I may then go on to include carefully selected shots of the repaired Skywalker lightsaber and the pieces of Kylo’s smashed helmet being reassembled – as well as reminders of the franchise’s more distant past, such as the Death Star, golden medals and Lando – and end with a very familiar cackle from character long since thought dead. I might also decide not to offer the merest glimpse of either of the surviving characters introduced by Johnson: namely DJ and Rose Tico. [By contrast, the 1983 teaser for “Revenge of the Jedi” includes shots of all the characters introduced in the previous film, and even highlights the return of one “Lando Calrissian”. Almost as though they thought showing those characters would help sell the film to audiences. Fancy that.]
If one of the aims of The Last Jedi was to de-emphasise the importance of the Skywalker family in the Star Wars universe, this teaser – from the first words to the title reveal – is the direct opposite. Fascinating.
That title
On that note, I’m hearing the final two title contenders for J.J.’s follow-up to “The Last Jedi” were this and:
Star Wars Episode IX: Fuck Rian Johnson
Lando
It’s of course a joy to see Lando back, but I still can’t help but feel sorry for the ongoing disrespect shown to Billy Dee Williams. If Carrie Fisher had not died, his services would almost certainly not have been required for this film, and the saga would’ve ended with him and his contribution wholly unacknowledged. For all the Disney Corporation’s self congratulatory talk of ‘celebrating diversity’, it still rankles that – in their initial giddiness over the return of Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill – Disney-Lucasfilm completely sidelined Williams. Even a foam muppet made it back into the movies before he did. However, it must be said that the (now despised) hardcore fans never forgot him.
Never has a character so quickly and effortlessly charmed their way into our hearts as Lando Calrissian did in The Empire Strikes Back (1980): almost the moment he uttered the immortal words “You slimy, double-crossing, no good swindler…” the classic trio of Han, Luke & Leia became the classic foursome. Indeed, choosing to cast a black actor in the role of ‘ruler of a futuristic, utopian world’ some forty years ago is surely as culturally significant as Black Panther was in 2018. At least, it damn well should be.
[To add insult to injury, they make Williams wear the fucking ridiculous yellow tunic sported by Donald Glover in the Solo: A Star Wars Story flop, all in the name of brand synergy. Well only one Lando is recognised in my house, and he wears Calrissian blue. And a cape.]
Oh look, they brought back Finn, how cute
One wrong-headed idea that has sadly survived The Last Jedi is the move away from the Finn/Rey co-lead dynamic. It’s a big mistake. Instead of Abrams & Kasdan’s original concept of having two “A” heroes (Finn & Rey), supported by a band of lesser “C” players (Poe, Han, Leia, Luke et cetera), Rey has been promoted to sole lead, with everyone else bumped up to “B” tier supporting roles. Therefore, each of the half-dozen “B” characters now need their own mini story arc. Even Finn! That’s an awful lot of story bloat to cram in to this already overstuffed movie. Johnson failed to pull off this endeavour, and I think Abrams has made his own job unnecessarily difficult. Poor old Finn; I guess not having Force-powers does make you unimportant after all.
Familiar locales
Hey, is that Jakku? Hey, is that the forest moon of Endor? Hey, is that Cloud City? This universe gets smaller all the time.
The Amazing Spider-Rey
I guess the wire-fu Jedi theatrics of the prequels (that Abrams once turned his nose up at) are back.
The Hateful Eight-or-Nine
Could the individual that Ben Solo is seen body-slamming to the ground be a Knight of Ren? (And might the hirsute fellow seen reassembling his helmet be another member of this band?)
Sunken Death Stars, dead Emperors and more on that title
It is well known that while thrashing out the story for The Force Awakens, Abrams had the idea for a sequence in which the sunken remains of the Death Star – still containing the records of the Imperial archives – would be visited in order to find the location of the first Jedi temple, and therefore lead our heroes to Luke Skywalker himself. Obviously, that story element was dropped for that film, but it’s reasonable to assume that Abrams has recycled the idea for his return to the franchise.
However, we already found Luke and the first Jedi temple: been there, done that. So what else could our heroes (and Rose) be looking for? How about the location of the first Sith temple instead? Two pieces of original Ralph McQuarrie art (here and here) have long stuck in my mind as things I would love to see on the big screen. Who, or what from the dark side might be found there? Perhaps a gallery of spectral Sith masters in those glowing cones of light? Might an uncautious intruder stumble upon none other than the ghostly embodiment of Sheev Palpatine himself, cackling away merrily from the last cone (we know from Revenge of the Sith that old Palpy fancied himself as something of a storyteller); I can picture the scene now…
Ghost-Palpatine: “Let me tell you the story of Darth Plagueis the Wise -”
Rey: “I’ve heard that one”
Ghost-Palpatine: “Oh.”
Rey: “Well… if that’s all you’ve got…”
Ghost-Palpatine: “No wait, please come back… No-one ever comes to visit me anymore, not since that old show-off Snoke got himself a stupid golden coat. Wanted to stand out didn’t he? Well, he tried wearing classic villain-black at first but people kept getting him and I mixed up. Of course, he couldn’t pull off as well as me. I was the Emperor you know; Emperor beats ‘Supreme Leader’ every time. Although… I have to admit… even dead Emperors get lonely…”
Rey: “Tick-tock Palps”
Ghost-Palpatine: “Okay, okay. How about this… do you happen to know the ancient Sith prophecy of ‘The Rise of the Skywalker’?”
Rey: “Go on…”
Pre-Fixing
Yeah I know, how can you fix a film that isn’t out yet? Well I’m going to go out on a limb and commit to writing exactly how I’d like the film/trilogy/saga to end (which is of course almost certainly not what’s going to happen) – and let’s see if Abrams et al. can do better.
Fixing the Star Wars Saga
I have a confession to make: I am a big fan of J.J. Abrams. He’s the closest thing to a Spielberg successor we’ve got. He did wonders rejuvenating the Mission: Impossible, Star Trek and Star Wars franchises. He has a light touch, knows how to wield a camera, and infuses all his films with character, heart and humour. My only real gripe with his work isn’t the lens flares (he likes them, it’s fine) or the so called ‘mystery boxes’ (I like mysteries) – it’s his third acts. Too often his films stumble over the finish line when they should be soaring over it. With Episode IX there’s no more room for missteps: he’s got to not only slam-dunk the ending of this film, but nicely wrap up the trilogy — and indeed bring the entire Star Wars saga to a satisfying conclusion. [Disney can keep trying to rebrand Star Wars as the ‘Skywalker Saga’ all it wants, but I’m not having it. Episodes I through IX are Star Wars, and the ending of the whole shebang is on Abrams shoulders. When it’s done, so will I be with that galaxy far far away. I wish I had faith he was capable of giving me the ending I want… but I fear the worst. Therefore I’m going to go ahead and fix it in advance.
The conclusion to the Skywalker dynasty I want:
Ben Solo, Supreme Leader of the First Order is watching his Empire burn.
The Knights of Ren have captured Rey and butchered the last of the Resistance, including Poe and Rose; only Finn managed to escape. First Order brutality, led by the Knights of Ren and encouraged by Hux — who is manipulating and manoeuvring from the shadows — has turned the new empire into an ever more tyrannical and genocidal regime.
For some time, theoretical Supreme Leader Ben has seen his grip on power slip as his unease has grown over the barbaric direction his empire has taken. His lieutenants are in near open rebellion against him, and his position on the ‘throne of blood’ is under constant threat.
When he discovers the truth about the brutal attack on Rey and her group it pushes him over the edge, and he fights back against his former ‘Ren’ comrades, even as a coup attempt is launched by Hux.
With his empire disintegrating and a full civil war in motion, Ben helps Finn to free Rey. However, she rebuffs his offers of friendship and they depart without him.
With his imperial palace burning, his Force-powers strangely weakening and once loyal First Order troops closing in, he desperately barricades himself in a corridor and prepares for the end. As he cowers in a corner, lightsaber hilt pointed at his own chest and his thumb hovering over the ignite button, he begs forgiveness from his mother and father. He can no longer hold back the pent-up ocean of remorse inside him for all the death and destruction, and it comes crashing down over him. He tosses the lightsaber aside, buries his face in his hands and whimpers “Help me”.
At that moment the blue spectral figure of LUKE SKYWALKER appears before him. Ben stares up at his his former teacher, and the breath catches in his throat. With a great effort Luke takes a step forward and in so doing he leaves the spiritual plane, physically returning to the real world.
Luke: “Hey kid, I’m here to rescue you.”
He holds out the blue Skywalker lightsaber that was once belonged to his father, and then became his own, and Ben takes it. At last the weapon is his. For a moment the two men – nephew and uncle, fallen Sith and fallen Jedi – consider each other, before Ben stands and they embrace. Then Luke moves toward the barricaded door.
Luke: “Shall we?”
Ben: “Luke… you came back for me”
Luke (shakes his head): “I never left.”
Luke raises his left hand toward the door and retrieves his green lightsaber with his right.
[The sound of banging and drilling from the other side of the barricade]
Luke: “Ready?”
Ben nods, igniting the blue blade.
Ben: “I’m ready. It’s time.”
Luke (contemplatively): “Y’know, Rey’s still out there, somewhere…”
Ben looks sharply at Luke. Then the door slides open and the two stride out into a hail of blaster-fire (ala Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid).
FADE OUT
FADE IN on Rey, who’s doing something important probably, whatever.
THE END
