Dear oh dear oh dear oh dear. Sigh. Where to start with this nonsense.

First of all, please see The Empire Strikes Back before you write another word. Without seeing that film you’ve probably missed the fact that Last Jedi is a pretty straightforward remake, with very few original ideas of its own.

You think Rian’s film is different from the original trilogy because it has ‘shades of grey’ and because it is ‘complex’ and because it doesn’t ‘end on a note of cheery optimism’? Good lord, if you want a film that ticks all those boxes and more just watch Empire, all will be revealed.

Let’s not forget that Empire (curiously enough) has themes of failure and defeat, just like Last Jedi and features a battle on a snow/salt planet between Walkers and rebel speeders, just like Last Jedi, an extended spaceship chase, just like Last Jedi, scenes of a Jedi Master training a young Jedi prodigy, just like Last Jedi, the Jedi trainee having a darkside vision in a cave, just like Last Jedi, the trainee seeing a misleading vision of the future – causing them to abandon their training and rush away, just like Last Jedi, a visit to a futuristic city – with a dark secret, just like Last Jedi, an encounter with a deceitful character who then betrays the heroes, just like Last Jedi… erm, should I go on?

So, hardly original, and indeed just as much a rehash as was The Force Awakens. Has it occurred to you that that’s why fans were so irritated by the film?

And, as you say, it was riddled with logical inconsistencies and elements borrowed from other franchises *cough* Battlestar Galactica *cough* Harry Potter *cough*

This film baffles me. Neither as dark or complex as Empire, or as thrilling as Return of the Jedi, it wastes its best character (Rey), while managing to ruin Luke’s character just to make simpler minds think it’s a subversive masterpiece.

And surely it undermines itself by torpedoing the only coherent thought in the movie: Rian, speaking through Luke, thinks it’s time for the Jedi to end, going so far as burning the Jedi temple and ancient texts. Then ends the film by proclaiming Luke isn’t the Last Jedi! Hurrah! Rey will use the ancient Jedi texts she stashed in the Falcon to revive the Jedi order! Yippee!

Wait, what?!